Fabric Softener
by Precious Pup
Summary: McGee & Tony have to share room on assignment. Conversation about Fabric softener and Tony begins to covet McGees bed. Not McGee just his bed, oh and his towels! No Slash silly fluff Tony & McGee have pillow fight, some McGiva too, Gibbs in boxers
1. Chapter 1

'Whatcha doing Probie?' Tony stared as McGee collapsed through the door of the hotel room they were sharing, his arms full of luggage. 'Seriously McGee, I think you have insecurity issues. I mean we're here for a just a couple of nights and it looks like you've brought the kitchen sink.'

McGee just rolled his eyes. 'Don't want to hear it Tony. I cannot believe that I have to share a room with you. I mean spending all day listening to you AND then all night? Isn't there something in the Geneva Convention about this sort of cruelty to imprisoned captives?'

Tony just gave McGee one of his winning smiles.' Hey thousands of women would love to be spending the night with me. You should be grateful.'

'Yeh right DiNozzo a night with you is just what I lie awake at night thinking about.' Tony clapped him on the shoulder 'That's the spirit McGeek!

'By the way why on earth have you got so much stuff? It can't be clothes as you don't even own that many outfits.'

'Haha DiNozzo, watch and weep'. McGee opened up one suitcase and pulled out a dozen thick fluffy white towels. Tony stared and sniffed deeply before burying his face in the soft pile in McGee arms.

'Hey!' McGee pulled his precious burden away and Tony stood, still hunched over eyes shut.

'Was that Lavender??'

'Yes.' McGee replied.

'You brought your own towels??? '

'Not just towels'. McGee opened up a second case to reveal dazzling white immaculate sheets and pillow cases folded into precise rectangular shapes.

'Really McGeek, this is going too far. I'm mean I know we are in Hicksville but they do provide sheets and towel and things'.

'Tony, have you ever been listening when Abby has done her analysis of a hotel room's linen during a case? Do you know what is still left on those sheets, those covers even though they are 'clean'?' He shuddered.

Tony glanced over at the first double bed in the room that he had already claimed as his own by jumping on it, shifting the pillows around and used as a receptacle for various food wrappers and drink bottles. It hadn't seemed too bad but now looking at it with fresh eyes it did seem a little flat and grey. And lumpy.

'Yeh well, whatever McDorko'. He jumped back onto his bed making the springs creak alarmingly.

Tim simply sighed and turned his back on Tony and began stripping his bed and remaking it with his own linen. Tony watched fascinated at this glimpse of McGee in his own habitat. McGee took out a blinding white thick yet silky sheet and flicked it with a sharp snap, spreading it out over the mattress cover he had just laid out. He snapped the sheet again and Tony sniffed appreciatively.

'What's that?

'Spring Meadow' Tim replied as he began spreading the sheet out, smoothing down all the wrinkles.

'Spring meadow?'

'Yes. It's the fabric softener'

Tony lay back and smiled as the room began to be filled with the soft sweet smell. He hadn't realised how stale and musty the room had been before. It really did seem to remind him of a spring meadow, a fresh after rain smell with flowers and…..

'Wait! You have a different fabric softener for your sheets than you do your towels?' 'Yes' McGee replied obviously not wanting to get into this discussion.

'McGee! Seriously no wonder your single! You must spend entire evenings on your washing.'

'No Tony I don't. I just have sensitive skin and I like to feel that my sheets and towels are clean, that's all'. He snapped out another sheet and Tony watched as he obsessively started folding and tucking the upper sheet.

'So your sensitive skin declares that towels should smell of lavender and your sheets of a meadow?

Tim sighed 'No well obviously not. You caught me in the middle of my rotation.'

'Rotation?????'

'Well…… I rotate my fabric softer'.

Tony burst out laughing. 'You rotate your fabric softener?? You have a schedule for the way your towels and sheets SMELL!!!!!!'

'Arrgghhhh' Tony laughed and rolled around on his bed hysterically, dramatically clutching his sides. It wasn't until he rolled off the bed itself and was kicking his legs up in the air that McGee stopped and with a sigh turned, giving Tony the attention he was so obviously craving.

'Give it a rest Tony, it really isn't that funny. Get up, you are going to do yourself an injury and I don't think Gibbs would approve of a hysteria induced injury.'

'He would if he knew that your infatuation with lotions has spread to include anything that even touches your skin!' Tony laughed again and drummed his feet on the floor.

McGee frowned at his team mate who as far as he was concerned was simply rolling around collecting even more dirt, which he would later be sleeping in.

'Well I think it is perfectly sensible. If you have the same smell all the time then you get used to it and then you can't smell it anymore. That's half the point of fabric softener. I mean that's why you change your cologne every now and then because you can't smell it. I simply buy a different one every six weeks or so once I run out.

Tony tried unsuccessfully to smother a smile 'So what's the rotation?

McGee pretended not to notice and continued to obsessively tuck and straighten - 'Summer Meadow, White Lavender, Spring Rain, Ylang Ylang and Jasmine, Cool Breeze and that pretty much takes me through six months and then I start again.'

Tony stood up and tried to keep a straight face as he deadpanned to McGee 'So do you ….. have a chart... or something …. He couldn't even finish the sentence before the fit of giggles which had threatened to choke him rose up and made an appearance.

'Look Tony seriously, you can laugh all you want but we don't have long before we have to report to Gibbs and I'm sure by the look on his face its going to be a long night. So I would be grateful if you would just let me do this so I can look forward to a nice, clean bed when we eventually finish tonight.'

'Okay, okay' I'll leave you alone. Tony collapsed back onto his now thoroughly destroyed bed and sticking an arm behind his head tried to get comfortable. What was that lump sticking into his lower back. Was that a loose spring???

'What sort of sheets are they anyway?' Tony pretended not to be interested. Tim smiled. It was one of the joys that his new money had brought him that he could spend money on his linen without feeling guilty.

'Egyptian cotton, 1100 thread count. I tried higher but it was almost too silky. These ones are soft against your skin but still….' he paused as if realising what he was saying but continued anyway …' snugly.' He waited for the harassment from Tony but all he heard was an impressed 'Hummm' Tony squirmed on his covers as he felt the crumbs from his earlier meal sticking to his sweaty back. He turned and watched as McGee went to the wardrobe and pulled out the extra pillows that had been supplied.

'What are you doing now?'

'I like my pillows fluffy as well as clean.'

He proceeded to take each large pillowcase and fill with two each of the hotels thin lack lustre pillows and then cover with yet another pillowcase. Finally he folded the quilt provided by the Hotel and stuffed it into a sky blue quilt cover and then with his back turned to Tony proceeded to straighten, fluff, plump and arrange. Tony thumped his own pillows, stuffing them behind his head and succeeded in raising a small cloud of dust. Tony sneezed and tried not to think about exactly what that dust might have originally been. Was it a real fact that 90 of dust was actually human skin cells?

Tony who had closed his eyes for a minute, listening to McGee putter around had been visualising Tim as an old lady with a floral over coat and had just finished mentally placing a handkerchief over his curlers when he realised that McGee had finished. With the smile still on his face he turned and opened his eyes to a vision – that of McGee's bed.

With snowy white pillows piled high and the light catching an almost metallic quality in the deep blue quilt cover it seemed to almost shimmer in the light. It even smelled glorious, fresh, clean and soft. He couldn't help but stare and Tim catching his look smiled.

'Well I will certainly be having a good nights sleep tonight.'

Tony tried to restrain himself from launching himself off his bed and burrowing into the scented linen heaven that McGee had created for himself. He tried unsuccessfully to look unimpressed and simply stretched luxuriously back out on his own bed. This move was spoiled somewhat by the creaking headboard which seemed to be attached and yet somehow independent of the mattress.

Tony looked at his watch. 'Well I think it's going to have to wait till later. We have about 10 minutes to get our gear and report to Gibbs downstairs for our surveillance shift. Do you think some of those hot FBI girls will 'pop' by?'

McGee just rolled his eyes and grabbing another bag headed for the door. Tony raised himself off his bed, which in comparison to Tim's fluffy white clouds and azure sky creation now appeared not just drab grey but seemed to have acquired some mysterious faint yellow stains.

Tony took one last glance at the glorious construction that seemed to beckon him as he locked the room and headed downstairs.

Now, just how was he going to get Probie to give him his bed?

Please review. Silly really just wanted to see Tim and Tony discussing fabric softner. I'm sure this is a subject McGee takes seriously. Just a long one shot really. Second (and Final) chapter Ziva and Gibbs get involved as well.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

McGee sighed as he swung open the door to his room and tried to quietly make his way across the room to his bed. His glorious bed. His back ached and his eyes were scratchy from being awake too long. Any concerns he had about bringing along his own linen and the harassment he would receive about it had long since disappeared into a simple sort of longing to stretch out his long body against the cool clean sheets of his bed.

He stumbled across one of DiNozzo's bags in the dark and he cursed quietly to himself. He daren't flick on the lights as that would surely wake Tony up and McGee would rather receive further bruising than have to listen to him settling back down for the night. Tony, of course had finished up early while he had to assist with setting up a secondary system so in the morning the Dodgy Girlfriend, the Dodgy Girlfriends Sister and Dodgy Girlfriends Gay Friend could all be tracked independently along with the original Dodgy Bad Guy. It wouldn't be long before one of them lead to the Murderer they were tracking, supposedly hiding out in the hills somewhere behind the hotel.

Quietly undressing, stripping down to his boxers on this warm night he slipped in between the cool covers and sighed again in complete contentment. He wriggled over so he could sprawl out in the middle of the bed when he felt … a leg.

'Arrgghhh' McGee's heart stopped. 'Who the hell is that?'

'Hey there Probie! You were right about this bed. It is fantastic.' Tony stretched out luxuriously along the far side of the bed. 'I hope you don't mind but I figured your bed is big enough for the two of us and you probably wouldn't even notice……'

'DINOZZO!!!!!' McGee screamed furiously 'Get Out Of My Bed Right Now!'

'But it's so nice!' Tony whined 'and we can share it. I mean we're buds right?'

Tony was answered with a firm plump pillow to the face. Whomp

And another. Whomp.

'You Get Out Of My Bed This Instant DiNozzo.' Each word was punctuated with a pillow being flung hard into Tony's general direction.

'Okay okay but if your going to be getting violent about it you should do it right. Tony picked up a pillow and starting thumping McGee back. Thump. Whomp.

'It's just a bed McGee. I mean seriously.' Thump

'If it's just a bed then why do you want it so bad?' Whomp

'Get your naked DiNozzo butt out of my bed. And get back into your own' Whomp….. 'Dirty…..' Thump Whomp 'Smelly…' Thump Whomp 'Bed..'

Suddenly the wall behind the bed was punctuated with a series of loud thumps –bang, bang, bang as Gibbs thudded his fist against the paper thin walls.

'Shut Up! The Two of you! Don't make me come in there!' McGee and Tony looked at each other standing braced in a fighting stance, naked except for a pair of boxers both with a large pillow in each hand beside the bed, and they couldn't help but smile at the situation.

'Boss, Tony won't stay out of my bed. Make him stay in his own one.' McGee called out loudly to Gibbs who he now knew to be staying in the room next to them.

'Boss, Probies is much nicer and it's big enough for the two of us and … well I think I broke mine, anyway its leaning on three legs. How am I supposed to stay in good condition for the Op tomorrow if I can't get any sleep?'

'Don't listen to him Boss! He ruined his own bed by jumping on it all the time. And how am I supposed to get any sleep with a big stupid DiNozzo in my bed with me?'

'I'm not stupid Brainiac…..'The Whomping and Thumping started up again.

Bang, Bang, Bang! Gibbs thumped on the wall again 'Shut Up! The Both of you. I can't believe I'm arguing with the two of you about this in the middle of the night. It is late. GO TO BED!

Tony shrieked in triumph

'Your own bed DiNozzo!' Gibbs heard McGee laugh and then it was muffled by a mouthful of pillow.

'Hey! McGee protested and after the tiny pause in hostilities started up again.

'I promise I will be good' Tony pleaded 'I won't kick or steal the blankets or snore. I promise. Cross my heart. Please, pretty please let me sleep with you? Just tonight and I will get housekeeping to fix up my bed tomorrow. I promise'

There was a thumping on the wall on the other side of the room. Thump, thump, thump as Ziva banged her fist hard on the wall so she could be heard.

'Don't do it McGee! When I spent the night in bed with Tony all he did was snore!!! You will never get any sleep. Don't listen to him!'

'What?' Ziva turned and stared back at the three female FBI agents she was sharing the room with. 'You don't spend the night with any of your guys?'

'Shut up Ziva' Tony called out as McGee and Tony circled the room trying to get the best advantage over the other 'He had that look in his eye. He was considering it and then you had to open your mouth and spoil it'

'I was not considering it' Whomp

'Yes you were' Thump 'You are too nice hearted not too'

'I am Not' Whomp 'Nice hearted enough to let you spend the night with me IN MY BED!' Whomp Thump

'Don't tell me to shut up DiNozzo or I will come in there and show you what a real pillow fight is like.' Ziva replied angrily.

Bang Bang Bang 'Right that's it! I'm coming into the room and if I don't find two professional Federal Agents…. In their own beds there is going to be trouble.' Gibbs thundered through the thin walls.

'See Tony! You have just got both of us in trouble. Why couldn't you stay in your own bed?'

'Well if you hadn't made such a big deal about it then perhaps I might.'

The two combatants stood there, the room littered with pillows and then both turned and jumped into McGee's bed and began rolling around trying to secure as much of the blankets and sheets as possible from the other as if possession was 9/10's of the law.

'Hey you kicked me!'

'Only because you kicked me!"

'Owwwwwwwww' Tony cried out as Gibbs grabbed his ear and hauled him from McGee's bed.

'Ouch ouch ouch' McGee was similarly hauled out and they were both confronted by a furious Gibbs complete with his own boxers and sleep tousled hair. 'This is ridiculous! I am holding you both responsible for this childish behaviour. The entire complex has overheard you Tony begging to spend the night in McGee's bed????? What do you think the FBI is going to think of us now? Huh? This is ridiculous!

Get To Sleep! I do not want to hear another peep out of you. Tony go to your OWN bed. That will teach you for jumping on it. Get it fixed in the morning.'

Ziva stuck her head around the corner of the room. She was not going to miss a dressing down of her two team mates by Gibbs while all three of them were practically naked. Smothering a laugh she snuck past them in the dark room while Tony and McGee were looking straight ahead at a spot behind Gibbs head. She wanted to see just what all the fuss was about.

McGee's bed.

Even in its current state of turmoil with its blankets and sheets piled high she could smell the fresh sheets and see the metallic gleam of the crisp quilt calling her. Well she was a little cool in her tiny silk negligee so she might as well watch the screaming match in comfort. She slipped into the bed between the cool sheets and quietly arranged herself into a comfortable sweet smelling nest.

So this is what it is like to be in McGee's bed? Not bad, not bad at all. She smiled to herself and wriggled her rump deeper into the silky sheets.

Gibbs stalked off slamming the door behind him while McGee and Tony looked at each other.

'Sorry Probie I shouldn't have tried to kick you out of your own bed'

'I'm sorry too Tony. I shouldn't have tried to kick you so hard'

Both men smiled in the dark and quietly hoped into their own beds.

'Well so a pillow fight huh?' Tony's voice softly considered

'What are we going to say to the FBI guys when they ask us what was going on in the morning?'

'It WAS a manly pillow fight Probie'. Tony declared in the darkness confidently.

'Is there such a thing as a manly pillow fight Tony?'

'Sure…. Well there was no squealing anyway….. although you were getting up there at one stage.' Tony was answered by a pillow sailing across the room and landing on him.

'Hah!' Tony smiled victoriously. 'I'm keeping this sweet pillow tonight and serves you right.'

McGee laughed. 'That's all right Tony, I think I can spare you a pillow'

Tim sighed and stretching out wriggled into the middle of the bed ready to fall asleep in an instant when he felt it. A leg.

'Tony?'

'What?' Tim could hear his voice on the other side of the room.

'If you're not in my bed then who is?

'What?'

'Someone is in my bed and I can feel their leg!'

'Well touch it and find out?'

McGee reached down and ran his hand up a smooth and shapely leg.

'ummmmm that's nice' Ziva replied sleepily

'Ziva'!!!

'Yes?

"What are you doing in my bed? Err not that I mind'

'I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. It is very nice. I think I already fell asleep for a second. My other bed I have been tossing and turning but yours is wonderful.' She yawned and snuggled into the nest of blankets she had made on the far side of the bed

'Goodnight'

'uhhhh Ziva you are going to have to get out of my bed.'

'Why?'

'Ummm because well uhhh it's just not going to look right uuuhhhhh Tony?'

'Yeah and well if I can't get into Probies bed then you sure aren't going to either, Ziva!' Tony called out

'Ziva?' McGee nudged her, trying to keep her awake.

'Campfire!!! Tony yelled and jumped onto McGee's bed where he had been trying to push the sleepy Ziva out.

"What?'

'Well if we are all in here then it's a TEAM thing and I can't get in trouble. We can ALL spend the night here' Tony replied happily

GIBBS!!!! McGee called out 'Now Ziva AND Tony's in my bed and I will never get any sleep! Gibbs???'

Gibbs sighed and tried to stuff his pillow over his ears

Fornell pulled up his Power Puff Girls eye mask and peered over at Gibbs. 'You know your team's weird right?

'Just go to sleep Fornell' Fornell let his eye mask go with a snap and Gibbs lay there in the dark listening to his team arguing, wrestling and thumping furiously next door. He couldn't help it. He smiled.

Oh come on now people you have to review that!. I think this is funny so please let me know if I'm right otherwise I will have to stop writing this ridiculous stuff and do something serious.


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